The feeling of grief is an indicator that we have lost something we care about, and we feel this deeply within our bodies and in our nervous system. Grief is something we all have in common and can occur after any kind of loss. For children and families involved in the child protection system, loss and grief are inescapable and profound. From first contact with the child protection system, many families experience a loss of control and autonomy. With every placement change, the losses mount and the grief multiplies. This can be true whether the placement move is necessary for child safety or other reasons, and whether the separation of family is brief or long term.

Let’s consider some different types of loss and grief relevant to children in OOHC:

• Ambiguous loss is when a loss which “cannot be clarified or verified becomes traumatic” (Boss, 2000). These losses without closure describe the experiences of some children in OOHC. Children may not know how long they will be in OOHC, whether they will see their family again, whether they can visit their siblings, which school they will attend, or exactly what losses they have experienced. When the loss cannot be defined, children can be expected to experience more difficulty grieving that loss.
• Chronic sorrow describes the impact of recurring experiences of ongoing loss for many children in OOHC and their families (Roos, 2002). Multiple and cumulative, losses are not only physical, such as placement moves, but existential, with hopes and dreams, self-concept, identity and belonging profoundly changed. The loss is ongoing, as is the sorrow.
• Non-finite loss (also known as “lifespan loss”) describes the ongoing presence of the loss itself, which is re-experienced throughout a child’s life (Bruce & Schultz, 2001). For many children in OOHC, the loss of family, community, culture, and identity is an ever-present reality.  Non-finite loss and chronic sorrow are evident in the legacy of the Stolen Generation.
• Disenfranchised grief is when a person has experienced “a loss that cannot be socially sanctioned, openly acknowledged or publicly mourned” (Doka, 2002). These losses are not seen as legitimate, or grief-worthy, and the person is not deemed to have a right to grieve. This can happen when children are expected to adapt to a new situation, like a new placement, a new school, or a new culture. Little attention is paid to what it means to them to have left their own family, their community, their culture.

The experience of loss and grief comes with emotions of anger, confusion, and fear. Since the process is deeply personal and unique to each individual who is impacted, there is no predictable timetable for grief, and there is no right way to grieve. Grieving can be difficult for an adult who is in familiar surroundings but is suddenly without their child, and more so for a child who may be in an unfamiliar environment and surrounded by strangers, like in a foster care. Children don’t always have the words or the developmental capacity to say how they feel, and their emotions are often expressed through their behaviour. A child who appears depressed, oppositional, or ill, may in truth be expressing deep sorrow.

For young people who have experienced complex developmental trauma, grief can be quite confusing for them. The depth of feeling that grief creates can be a catalyst for triggering unprocessed feelings of abandonment, rejection, and loss. These feelings can manifest as mood swings and behaviours including angry outbursts, withdrawal and solitude, running away, and defensive reactions such as physical altercations with others.